Male POV
At the conference I was able to attend part of a class called Male POV, hosted by Randy Ingermanson. (The author who developed the snowflake method)
The class was awesome and I wish I could share my notes with all of you. The biggest lesson I learned from this class was about the male ego.
Yes, apparently this is one of the most important factors in a man's thought processes.
He's sensitive and his ego is tied to his self-respect.
I can think of a whole bunch of different ways to start incorporating this into my manuscripts. How about you? What do you think of a man's ego? His need for self-respect? Do you think it's different than a woman?
The class was awesome and I wish I could share my notes with all of you. The biggest lesson I learned from this class was about the male ego.
Yes, apparently this is one of the most important factors in a man's thought processes.
He's sensitive and his ego is tied to his self-respect.
I can think of a whole bunch of different ways to start incorporating this into my manuscripts. How about you? What do you think of a man's ego? His need for self-respect? Do you think it's different than a woman?
Comments
I would love to hear more about that workshop though, sounds intriguing on how to capture a male's ego.
Oh, and I've noticed that sometimes when a female author is writing a male POV character, he becomes the sensitive guy, who's not like any other guy in school (I read YA so they're in school). To me that's a cop out.
It was fun "playing" with a man's ego. :D
~ Wendy
:-) When I'm writing male POV, I try not to stay too long. As the scriptures say, with much knowledge comes much grief.
Love your blog.
Sandie
That's really helpful advice. Thanks. And it fits in with the most recent guy scene I wrote, which makes me feel reassured. Double thanks, Jessica.
This'll probably help me at home too with the hubby, making sure his ego isn't wounded when I'm trying to give him my thoughts on an issue. So, wow, triple thanks!
I'm horrible with the Male POV, but luckily I've got my hubby to say, "Um yeah...a man would never do/say that!" LOL
In the 90s, I was lucky to attend a workshop conducted by Linda Howard on male POV. It was one of the best workshops I've ever attended. I learned far more than I ever thought I would about the way men think.
But yeah, I have think about what bothers my husband and other men. It's very different from women. They do tend to see more black and white with little shades of gray, too.
I'm still learning...
Great point. Even if a man and woman had the same Meyers-Brigg personality, it would manifest in a different way. That's something to chew on! LOL
Too funny about your brother-in-law!!!
I think you're right that it's a cop-out. My brother-in-law is an extremely sensitive, artistic guy, and yet he's also very male in many of his thoughts/actions. So even the thoughtful, romantic guys are still GUYS.
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog! :-)
Your comment literally made me laugh out loud! Loved it.
Also, I agree with your assessment, but I thought you did a great job with the hero in Snowball. :-)
Linda and MaryBeth, I totally agree that we need to take this info and run with it, esp. where hubbies are concerned!
I'm SOOOOO jealous! Howard is one of my favorite authors!!! She writes awesome men and women I'd be friends with. So cool.
Kristen
You did it well, I thought, in the excerpt I read of your book. :-)
Hi Jennifer,
I liked your guy too. It's fun learning and I hope we never get to the place where we know it all. Men are funny creatures, I think. LOL
Can't wait to get this session on CD. Off to add some ego boosting or should it be busting to my hero now for that ever needed conflict.
How cool is that to have been in Randy's session? I so wish I was there!
Let me know what you think!
Cindy,
That's an awesome point! Relationship books would be great to study for a male perspective.
I once had a man ask, "You pick on your husband a lot in your columns, don't you?"
"Yes," I said, "but he gets me back in the pulpit on Sunday."
I suppose he's preserving his self-respect. Hmmm...
Hey, I happen to think the male ego is pretty cool. Ok, it does get us in trouble sometimes.
I'd like to hear more about what this guy said about the male ego. He is definitely right about this point - the male ego is tied to respect. Men can handle a lot of disappointments, hurts, etc., but they can't handle losing respect very well.
Ever watch boys on the playground punching each other on the arm or in the stomach to see who can take the hardest hit? That has a lot to do with respect even at that age - guys respect the other guys who can take a hard hit and not complain about the pain. Don't know if schools allow that anymore, which would be ashame if they didn't, and may explain some of the more extreme forms of violence boys today take that you never saw 30 or 40 years ago.
Note that in the passage in Ephesians 5 where it says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (5:25) it tells women, "... and the wife must respect her husband" (5:33).
God understands the male ego b/c he made it. Men need respect, and when they receive it, they feel valued and worthwhile. When they don't receive it, they feel shamed. That is why losing a job means more to a man than just the loss of income.
That's also why 35 year old men in community sports programs act like they are 18. Want to make your husband's day? Watch him play a backyard game of basketball and tell him he should have / could have played in college.
Love and respect is the life cycle of a marraige. If one of them breaks down the marriage could be in trouble.
Wrote more than I meant to! Good post, Jessica.
That's true. Each man's voice would be different, just like each woman's would be.
LOL Jen. I remember you told that story. Sneaky hubby! Heehee
I totally agree. And actually, Ingermanson focused more on self-respect than someone else's opinion of a man, because if the man's self-respect is strong, then someone else's opinion doesn't matter to them. LOL I thought that was funny.
Genny,
Ingermanson actually mentioned that study but he didn't quite agree. He went into it being more about a man having self-respect. Unfortunately I missed part of the class so I'm not sure exactly what he meant. I'll have to look at the notes he sent out. Either way, respect is super important to men, not so much to women. :-)
Really excellent comment Warren!
The man who used to be the pastor of my church wrote a book and began a marriage ministry called Love & Respect. It's all about women needing love MOST and men needing respect MOST. It's really good stuff.
Sure helps me understand my guy better!
No doubt about it. Men are different.
Have you ever read, "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus?" It deals with this issue. Emerson Eggeriches also has a book talking about how men need respect, and women need love.
I highly recommend both books.
Blessings,
Susan :)
And how red was Randy's face???
I've enjoyed reading everyone's comments here. Funny being in the position of "the other planet" :)!
Hi Karen, Yeah, it does help, right? Funny men. *snort*
Hi Susan, I never read that book as an adult but I did as a teen. Found it at my grandma's house. :-)
LOL Sarah. I like how you used the word filter. That sounds like the perfect way to do it.
Erica, I don't remember but he sure was funny!
I am still learning my husband after six years, does that count?
I thought some about incorporating a male POV in my first book, but I withdrew, because of lack of experience.
Maybe one day...
LOL Tamika! I never thought about my lack of experience. You're smart. :-)
Lots of opinions out there. Interesting subject!
I didn't realize you had five children. All I can say is - Amazing. Hope you get your vacation.
I write nonfiction, not fiction. But I follow several fiction sites, such as Jessica's, b/c I learn a lot of stuff about writing, some of which I can use in nonfiction. I don't always comment b/c I don't have anything to say. But this subject, mmm, it kind of invited me in.
Deb's observation that men want to fix things is so true, and is a function of our ego. And it isn't just "things," like cars and lawn mowers, but situations, too. My wife was telling me about a troublesome personality at her work. I calmly replied, "Ok, here is what you have to do with a person like that." And then I blessed her with my sagacious insight into the problem and its resolution. She ignored me and went on talking. I naturally assumed she didn't hear me or understand. So, I launched into another problem solving lesson, giving clear instruction of what to tell the offending party so she would never dare to bother my wife again. And again she didn't seem to catch what I was saying and went on with her story. After a 3rd attempt to "help" her and yet again being ignored, I finally said, "Haven't you heard anything I've said?" Cheryl replied, "Yes, but I'm not wanting your solution, I'm just wanting you to listen."
Ohhhh! That was an eye-opening conversation for me. Several times since then I've started to "fix" a situation for her, but then drew back. I wait for her to ask, "What would you do in this situation." Of course, she never does ask me that, but I'm waiting for when she does!
Being able to fix something makes a man feel useful. What do most men want for Christmas or a birthday? Something useful. On our first Christmas I gave my wife a dictionary. I thought she would love it. Wrong. That was 27 years ago, and now my kids tell the story, and they weren't even there! Fixing things makes a man feel useful, just like the tools or sports equipment (or even a dictionary) he wants for a gift.
WB
Women(well-most) seem to be fulfilled with personal relationships, and their job and/or success seems to be something they can feel they've lived a full life without. For men, They can have the best relationship in the world, but-without success-they don't have everything and seem to feel they're not being all they can be.
I DO notice A LOT that female authors don't really get male characters just right, and the same with me writing female characters. They often put feelings, clothes, and character to character actions in that are not part of the gender they're trying to write-That makes it harder for the reader to understand the characters and connect to them.
Jessie, I agree. And sometimes I think women write male better than men write female. I'm trying to think of a guy who writes great women...well, maybe Nicholas Sparks? I haven't read his books though.
Julie,
I totally agree! They try to hide beneath the "simple" label and I think women are completely fooled by that sometimes. LOL
Hey Penny,
LOL So you think the opposite of me. Interesting. Do you read a lot of romance? I do agree that some men are so.... hmmm... just not like any man I've ever met. *snort* But some authors do a male SO well. Thanks for commenting!