Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'll Never Love Again

A soulmate or soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility

Love is a complicated thing.

Do you believe that there's a perfect fit out there for everyone? How do you handle writing a story about a widow(er) or a divorced character who meets someone special? Which type of story do you prefer to read, the first-time-falling-in-love or the second-time-around-but-just-as-special romance?

33 comments:

Glynis said...

Well my MC in Maggie's Child found love the second time around, so I will go for that one. :)

Jessica Nelson said...

Sweet! That's the more realistic way, I think.

Terri Tiffany said...

That's a hard question. Now that Im older, I like to read about the second loves to a widow I think but still love the others as much:)

Jessica Bell said...

I love the second time around romance. I think the first time around isn't quite as 'real' because we are so consumed with finding 'the one' that we don't really take the time to see whether it's really true. I think after a divorce, you really know what you're looking for and therefore the love is extra special when it's found.

Linda Kage said...

I actually like to read that first-time blush of true love.

But strangly enough two of my published stories are about widowers and one of them really, really loved this first wife.
I had to make the heroine of that story totally different from his first wife and then I had to have him explain that he'd always love his first wife, she was the woman who taught him how to love and all that, but this new woman was going to be the gal he loved for the rest of his life. It got kinda complicated.

First time love just seems so much simpler and pure.

Good question.

Jessica Nelson said...

Linda, that's true about first time love being simpler. I wonder if that's why it seems less realistic sometimes, and yet something we long for? (not everyone, just generally speaking)

Jessica, yeah, a divorce would def. hone perspective. And extra special...I agree. Maybe because it's more valuable after seeing in the first marriage how fragile love is?

Terri, I agree, getting older changes how I see things too.

Wendy Paine Miller said...

I don't read a ton of romance, but I'm a sucker for first time around love. Even though, I believe it can be found again in certain circumstances and as God stirs.
~ Wendy

Jaime said...

I like the first time loves. Oops - glad I caught my type-o. I typed "first time lovers". Aside from that (lol) I'm fine with second time loves too - only I struggle with the divorce stories. A lot of it stems from ignorance and some of it from the cloudy Biblical perspectives on what is "allowed" or not.

Melissa said...

I'm a sucker for those first timers. That being said, there's something more realistic (and thus more touching) about the second timers. I guess I like the idea of one and the reality of the other.

anita said...

I like BOTH. ;-)

I think each one is magical.

With first love, there's an innocence and sense of wonder with it all. Yet with that comes higher expectations that are easily shattered when your partner's flaws start crashing in. I think first love is a little more judgemental and selfish, because a lot of times we're so young we haven't even learned to know ourselves, much less someone else.

With second-time love, you're wiser and more mature -- not so caught up in the romance of it all. It's a more realistic, enduring kind of love, because you've embraced your own flaws and in so doing, learn to see past the flaws and appreciate the fragile humanness of your partner. You accept them as they are because they accept you. Second time love is a more accepting love.

But they're both equally lovely and thrilling, in their way. :-)

Warren Baldwin said...

Perfect fit for everyone? No. May start out seeming like that, but eventually, even love becomes work.

FSU fan?

wb

Katie Ganshert said...

I like either as long as the story's good and the chemistry is there. One of my books is about a woman finding love again after the death of her husband. I read Richard Mabry's Tender Scar to get into her character and better understand her emotions. It helped a ton!

Keli Gwyn said...

I like both. My heroine is a widow, and she certainly finds love the second time around.

Sarah Forgrave said...

I'm not sure there's a perfect fit for everyone in the truest sense of the word, but I think God eventually leads most of us to the one He's designed for us (assuming we're following Him :)). If tragedy strikes during our lifetime, there could be more than one.

I like reading about both types of romances, as long as the author makes it authentic.

Kay K said...

Just found your blog .....
I think the first time if it is really a ture soul mate and they live happily ever after yes one might die before the other and sometimes they go together .
the second time would be a different love as I think each love is different my sister has been a widow three times and she says each love is different but the first one was I would say if I ask her she would say he was the special one .........

Jessica Nelson said...

Jaime, LOL!!! First time lovers *snorting over here* Heeheee. Thanks for the laugh!

Melissa, well-said!

Jessica Nelson said...

Anita, that is soooo true. I totally agree, esp. about first love being selfish. It's so completely thrilling that I think we tend to focus more on how that person makes US feel rather than on what that other person needs, etc. Great points!

Warren, I love getting the male point of view. And yep, I'm a FSU fan, though it's mainly 'cause I like their colors. *grin*

Jessica Nelson said...

Hey Katie,
I kind of want to read that story. Isn't it his memoir? I love the title.

Keli, can't wait to buy that story one day! :-)

Jessica Nelson said...

Hey Sarah, yeah, authenticity is definitely a must.

Hi Kay, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! Interesting point about your sister. My great-grandma was widowed twice, married three times, and I've heard that her second husband was the one she really had a spark with, although the third I think was a wonderful companion to her.

denise petrovich said...

I love both and I definately believe love is possible with different people. After the initial attractions, love is a choice and a commitment and OH so worth it!!! Love Me

Diane said...

First time around the block for me. :O)

T. Anne said...

I think the first time, but Lord knows I've written about the second myself.

T. Anne said...

I forgot to add, there is so much excitement to be had in both! I don't mind either one.

Stephanie Faris said...

Nope. I believe there are a variety of people out there with which we'd be compatible on a variety of levels, but due to age, location, etc., we'll only meet some of them. Of those, we pick the best match for us. Or life picks it for us! Or we pick incorrectly and end up floundering until we finally find a better fit.

Amy DeTrempe said...

I do have a preference for 1st loves but I as I get older and have met those who have lost a partner I am beginning to appreciate that sometimes a person can be blessed with two soul mates and have toyed with the idea of writing this type of backstory into a romance novel.

Emily said...

First time around. I write YA and really enjoy exploring what it's like to be in a relationship for the very first time - all the drama of high school relationships makes for plot! ;)

Janna Qualman said...

I think the world is too big and too full for there to be less than a handful of matches for any one person.

I also thing a person can find a soul mate in a best friend, not just a spouse or SO!

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Jess -

Since I'm a widow, a story about finding another love is interesting. I remember reading a Karen Kingsbury novel where a widower struggles with remarriage.

Need to do some research on widowhood? Email me. :)

Blessings,
Susan

Deb Shucka said...

I definitely am more interested in the second-time-around story - probably because of my age. :-)

I don't know about one perfect fit, because we are not the same size and shape throughout our lives.

Patti Lacy said...

BOTH! It all just depends on how I connect with the characters.

GREAT discussion.
I MISS this place:)
Patti

Nancy said...

Well a really good first love is very exciting to read. I'm not against the second time around stories though. I think there is more than one person you can be happy with, but I definitely want to keep the person I have right now.

Kara said...

I'm a sucker for both, but my first storyline involved a young widow, and my second too:) I guess I like to write about second chances!

Jessica Nelson said...

Wonderful comments, ladies! I love seeing what you're interested in and learning more about you. ;-)