We All Got to Learn to Do It Sometime
*grossness alert*
We all have to learn to deal with doo-doo eventually.
Consider me a newbie mom, but it never occurred to me that my son should be wiping himself until about a month before kindergarten. And then the flashbulb went on and I scrambled to teach him.
One problem.
He didn't want to. He's fastidious and doesn't like to make mistakes, so the thought of taking care of this daily chore literally reduced him to screaming and crying on the toilet.
Basically, he didn't trust himself. He was afraid. Scared to get his hands dirty. Afraid he'd miss something.
This is probably weird, but it made me think of us as writers. There comes a point where we have to "grow up" and trust ourselves.
We can't always rely on a crit group, agent, or editor to wipe up our mess.
I think this should be a part of maturation for every writer, that we can look at our work and be confident in our ability to clean it up. Not saying we'll make it perfect or that we won't miss something, or even worse, that we'll create a mess and spread the crap farther than it needs to go.
Just saying this is a part of growing up. As a writer and as a person.
In life, have you ever tried to clean up a mess and made it worse? Have you ever, trembling, stepped forward and made things better?
Do you think any writer can ever get to that place of confidence? Do you think there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance?
We all have to learn to deal with doo-doo eventually.
Consider me a newbie mom, but it never occurred to me that my son should be wiping himself until about a month before kindergarten. And then the flashbulb went on and I scrambled to teach him.
One problem.
He didn't want to. He's fastidious and doesn't like to make mistakes, so the thought of taking care of this daily chore literally reduced him to screaming and crying on the toilet.
Basically, he didn't trust himself. He was afraid. Scared to get his hands dirty. Afraid he'd miss something.
This is probably weird, but it made me think of us as writers. There comes a point where we have to "grow up" and trust ourselves.
We can't always rely on a crit group, agent, or editor to wipe up our mess.
I think this should be a part of maturation for every writer, that we can look at our work and be confident in our ability to clean it up. Not saying we'll make it perfect or that we won't miss something, or even worse, that we'll create a mess and spread the crap farther than it needs to go.
Just saying this is a part of growing up. As a writer and as a person.
In life, have you ever tried to clean up a mess and made it worse? Have you ever, trembling, stepped forward and made things better?
Do you think any writer can ever get to that place of confidence? Do you think there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance?
Comments
Many times have I made things worse by trying to be something I'm not or by doing something I am not. I don't try to clean up mess anymore!
Just being me and trusting life.
I agree, sometimes we have to let things sort themself out. :-)
One of my problems is fo me to shut up, listen and ask myself, "What would you want someone to say/do in this situation?", instead of jumping right in and blabbing all over! When I take a deep breath and wait on the Lord for direction, then things are so much better. At those times He can help me clean up my mess or help me clean up someone else's.
Oh the wonderful lessons are children teach us! Keep them coming!
Sometimes writers can rely too much on others and not do their own editing as thoroughly as they should. Great point!!
BTW...a couple of days ago, I had to get on the walkie talkie at work and announce to the janitor (and all other staff) that a student had tracked dog poop all the way down the 3rd hall!!! I struggled with what to call it and ended up saying dog feces! The custodian did not understand me and I had to explain in depth....sigh...it was really funny though. :)
~ Wendy
Good question, btw.
Fine line between confidence and arrogance? I think it's all in how you present that confidence. If it's humbly presented then it doesn't come across as arrogant, but that's an art in itself I believe! Not one I've learned so I go for the low-confidence self usually, though I know that's not what God wants. Great! Yet another thing to work on. Thanks Jessica!! LOL
:-) Sometimes I blab too when I need to just close my mouth. :-) Great advice for us to listen to God!
And the one who wants to do it is only three, so I'm telling one to do it and one to NOT do it. Heehee! I imagine you go through the same thing. LOL
You cracked me up with your story! Thank you for sharing that. What an awkward situation. Poor you. :-)
Isn't it funny how kids wrinkle life up? LOL Everything is an adventure with them.
You're smart to save stuff. :-) I try to, but then I forget where I put it. LOL
Also, very true about introspection. I think most of us tend to do that and we need to be careful. Go you for listening to your crit buddies. :-)
I bet God has some fun molding us.
jeannie
Where Romance Meets Therapy
I'm on my third kid and it sounds like you're going in the right direction. :-) It'll come, don't worry. :-) I think the biggest thing (for me) is to encourage them but not force them, which I'm sure you wouldn't do anyways.
Too cute of a story! :-)
I think it's absolutely true.
And I'm struggling with the same thing with my 4 y/o, who has to have it mastered by Weds and the start of preschool.
I think as writer's we do need to find that confidence within ourselves to trust that we can do some things on our own. But as of yet, I haven't found any reason to think a critique group--even just for general feedback--wouldn't be beneficial. It doesn't mean you don't have the confidence to do it on your own, just that you want it to be your best and you're willing to listen to feedback. Besides, writing is largely about pleasing the audience. Feedback before it reaches that audiences is so valuable.
And, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I hope that every reader who hands their MS to a beta is confident that it is great, but if they are arrogant they won't listen to anything anyone else says to improve it.
And I wouldn't have thought about the whole wiping himself thing, either. My son is still working on making it to the toilet at all.
I've had to learn to be okay with making mistakes. That's how I learn best. However, that doesn't mean I don't do everything I can to make sure my stories are perfect from the outset.
Have a great weekend!
I love this analogy. Yes, we can learn to trust our abilities and the voice of God within our hearts, if we are listening to Him and staying connected by His Word.
I think it's okay to say "I'm a good writer." God gave us this gift; we shouldn't dis it.
Wow, is it an all day pre-k for your daughter? (your four year old is a girl, right? lol, I can't remember) That stinks. *crossing my fingers for you and her* :-)
Oh, I def. agree. I'm pretty sure I'll have a crit group or a crit partner my entire career (ahem, once I get the career, *snort*). They're completely necessary. Sorry if I implied otherwise. :-)
I'm glad I'm not the only mom still sporadically wiping her kid. LOL
Glad I could make you laugh. LOL I just thought of this yesterday and I was like, hmm, it might make a good post. Snort!
Your little guy has time. Boys take a while too.
And you're right. We do learn from our messes.
Hopefully. LOL
I think it's okay to say that too. It feels weird, but I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge something that God gave us and that we've worked on. :-)
My son is adjusting to how things have to be. LOL I'm still helping him but he's definitely gaining more confidence about it.
Sometimes I'm confident with my writing and other times I'm not. I think there's a point where we have to be confident but be open minded in the sense that if we do mess up, it's not the end of the world. We need to be confident yet be open to learning. Even the most experienced writes need to keep learning.
It's hard to find that balance though. I think it's something I always struggle with.
In writing, sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. The point is to TRY.
Great comment! You're so right, we should never be afraid of learning. And don't worry, I think all writers have very unconfident days. :-) I know I sure swing back and forth. Snort!
It's hard being a perfectionist. But sometimes it's helpful, esp. when you surpass your own goals like you did. LOL
I'm in the same boat, because my 4 year old does NOT want to learn to wipe for the very same reasons. If you figure it out, I'd appreciate some tips!
Have a great weekend!
My problem is to just relax and trust my instincts and not do so much second guessing!
You also transported me back in time. My DD is heading to college two weeks from now, and I'm preparing myself for the transition to an empty nest. You brought back memories of earlier times when I was one of the moms discussing such topics with my friends. :)
Just today on my walk to mail a contest entry, I thought about the fact that I'd made some changes to the entry and sent it off without letting anyone see it first. I guess after three and a half years, I'm finally beginning to trust myself to do my own dirty work and whip my manuscript into shape. Not that I'm going to fire my awesome CP. But it is nice to gain some independence.
Blessings from the rain,
Sarah Dawn
Blessings from the rain,
Sarah Dawn
Blessings from the rain,
Sarah Dawn
Blessings from the rain,
Sarah Dawn
I like that eventually we need to fix things ourselves--cause if it turns out alright--we do gain confidence!
What an interesting analogy, Jessica. I loved it. And I have both made things worse and better in my ventures to "wipe my own hiney."(figuratively, of course. In the literal sense, I have no problems with this.)
Helen
Straight From Hel
For future reference, I'd cause this post to self destruct before your little guy learns to read. LOL!
I think we all need help from time to time. However, if we're still agonizing over the same problems after five years, maybe a look at our confidence level is necessary.
Blessings,
Susan :)
The thing that seems to be working for us is telling him he'll wash his hands afterwards, so it's okay if they get dirty, and also that mommy will check him if he wants. That seems to help, but he still tries to get me to do the wiping first. LOL
You're right. I think trusting our instincts (after we've learned some craft) is huge.
Wow. I can't believe I made you guffaw. *happy blush* That's pretty cool.
Second, I can't believe you mailed it off without second eyes! That was very brave but I think for where you're at in your writing, completely acceptable and an example of your maturity. Sometimes we don't have time to let someone else look it over and we have to do our best and trust ourselves. Congrats to you! :-)
"Forgiveness makes the best toilet paper."
Very, very true. :-)
Wasn't that Forrest Gump, with a different word? LOL! Great point about the crit buds. :-)
I thought about that because his teacher has a blog and I didn't want to embarrass him in front of the teacher. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't read mine *crossing fingers*
You're right about agonizing over the same things. Very good point.
And I meant to tell all of you thank you for commenting! Esp. some of you whom I've never "seen" before.
I appreciate your thoughts. :-)
Moral: leave wet paint alone or don't make big messed out of tiny ones.
For me, the BIGGEST problem is grammar. It's a SHOCKING problem with me. I've worked to learn it for so long, but I can't seem to apply it-I hate that about my writing. I always have to have my bf edit my stuff for grammar. I even had a writing professor say to me once that I'm lucky my story telling skills are as keen as they are, because they are the only things that deflect readers from my horrific grammar. Sometimes, I want to write a certain sentence, but just don't know how to do it structurally-so I change the sentence.
I bought a grammar workbook not long ago, and I'm embarrassed to work in it. I should tho-It's a problem that will slow me in the writing world.UGh! I need a private tutor!! my bf tries(in good will) to correct my grammar-I asked him to do it, but I get snippy with him when he does it-maybe that's just cuz he's my bf. :)
AND- I have no kiddos yet--Do they not wipe usually when they're just learning to potty train? When do they start that? Interesting factoid I had no idea about!
I hope the wiping issue resolves soon.
No, as far as I know they don't wipe right away. We're lucky if the boys can aim it in the toilet. LOL!
Interesting fact about the grammar. That would be super annoying! I kind of hear you, because I'm really, really bad at commas. Like, I've tried to read how to use them but it's so hard to apply. But if you have good storytelling, that's awesome! :-) Grammar can be fixed very easily, and there's always the copy edit!
I think I agree with you. I'd heard somewhere that arrogance is actually a form of insecurity. I think there's some truth to that.
I am almost laughing too hard to seriously consider your questions. *grin*
That said, I agree with your analogy. It's good to take responsibility and clean up our messes. Even if it's a little unpleasant.
Love you!
Karen, I'm glad it made you laugh. :-)