Eliminating Wordiness
Recently I won some stuff off of Jen's blog. One of my gifts was a CD of editor Rick Steele speaking on Writing Tight.
He really delves into things that I'm going to mention later.
He also had his class do a helpful exercise in eliminating wordiness.
Consider the following sentences, and then if you feel like it, tighten them and leave your version in the comments section:
Jane most often likes to pluck her eyebrows in a haphazard fashion.
Lapping at his water bowl, the dog fell to the ground in an exhausted heap.
She was so happy when the the call came from an editor.
Go ahead and be creative with these, or even leave your own examples of wordy writing. Can you usually see your wordiness? Or does it take the help of a crit partner?
Rhonda McNight reposted one of my posts!!!! It's on Urban Christian Fiction. Thanks Rhonda!
He really delves into things that I'm going to mention later.
He also had his class do a helpful exercise in eliminating wordiness.
Consider the following sentences, and then if you feel like it, tighten them and leave your version in the comments section:
Jane most often likes to pluck her eyebrows in a haphazard fashion.
Lapping at his water bowl, the dog fell to the ground in an exhausted heap.
She was so happy when the the call came from an editor.
Go ahead and be creative with these, or even leave your own examples of wordy writing. Can you usually see your wordiness? Or does it take the help of a crit partner?
Rhonda McNight reposted one of my posts!!!! It's on Urban Christian Fiction. Thanks Rhonda!
Comments
For the second one - I don't think the dog can simultaneously lap the water bow and fall to the ground....so:
After lapping at his water, the dog collapsed on the floor.
She danced and screamed when she got THE CALL.
Although...I had a hard time condensing the last two. It'll be interesting to see how others do it. :)
I'm sure you do write tight! You've worked hard at learning the craft.
I'm sure I don't always write tight, but I think I err on the side of sparseness sometimes, so, like you, have to go back and add in details, etc.
You did great with my pitiful examples. You're right, the dog can't do both. Snort! Silly me. Can I blame it on being tired? LOL!
Having been a writer for tech and advertising copy, I find that I'm almost anal about wordiness. Sometimes I think I need to add more words! LOL!
You probably are anal, but that's such a good quality. Each word is so important to the story. Analyze away, my friend!
I'm not up at four. Trust me. LOL! I just set the blog to post at that time.
Well, once you can recognize wordiness, it helps a lot. But sometimes you need another eye too. I'm sure you're better than you think! :-)
:-)
Although I don't think I'm super wordy, I always find sentences to be shortened or reworded for clarity. :-) Have fun!
Great post. I have been known to be WORDY from time to time. Every day in fact!
Your excerpts don't seem too wordy to me. :-)
You never know, you might write something someday. You have the urge. I definitely think people's style changes with their mood.
You must have tons of bruises! Heeeheee.
I'm looking forward to the rewrites too. :-)
And you know all about me and my wordiness, first hand, you trooper you. In the past, it did take the help of my crit partners but I think I've finally come to a place where I can spot the excess and tone it down on my own.
But I'm not willing to make all of it too tight. There's the flow to consider. I now pick and choose which sentences get the extra stroke of my artist's brush, so they'll really stand out. Some of us have a lush style and it's one thing to shave it. I just don't want to labotomize it. Heh.
Here's my rewrite of the sentences, though I decided for fun to make one SPECIAL sentence even longer. :D
Jane often plucks her eyebrows haphazardly.
Lapping at his water, the dog slumped down, exhausted.
(I've actually seen my labs lay down during the process of drinking if they've been running around the yard like crazy. They put their forelegs around the bowl--it's pretty comical).
And for the BEST sentence of all:
She bounced around the room like a Mexican jumping bean in a fiesta when the the wonderful, enthralling, LONG-AWAITED call finally came from an editor that would forever live in her mind as the HERO of all her books thereafter. *swoon*
Snort! I think all of us can relate to that last one. Have a great day, Jessie!
LOL Love the rewrites! Oh my gosh. When I get the call my throat will be hoarse from all my screaming. And my legs sore because I for sure will look like a Mexican jumping bean! LOL
Thanks for your funny comment. :-)
Lapping at his water bowl, the dog fell to the ground in an exhausted heap. (Spot lapped up his fill then keeled over.)
She was so happy when the the call came from an editor.
(She almost fainted when an editor called.)
I think I remember you bemoaning this before. *grin* Don't say sadly, that's what crit partners are for. :-)
This was a great cd and exercise.
The older I get, the less wordy I become, both verbally and in writing. Takes too much energy!
Jen
But for me, lots of my wordiness is my own working things out. Writing helps me think - so when I have my own head figured out, cutting the words isn't too painful. *grin*
Maybe we can all be wordy, huh? :-)
Jen: You seem pretty peppy to me. :-) I bet you're a very energetic person.
Karen: That's interesting that you work your thoughts out on paper, but makes total sense. I always kept a journal. Emotions jumble things but words can name our emotions and order them, in a way. Thanks for sharing that thought!
Terri: I didn't think you were wordy at all when I met you! :-)
Danyelle,
I'm like you. My poor mom used to despair at my moodiness. :-) Now I control it a little better. I think. LOL
Editor + The Call= :)
Thank you for the nice compliment. :-)
Ha!
I love the writing tips/info you share here. Always great to stop by!
But really, wordiness is my downfall, so I found out at my last crit group. I'm excited to see what advice you have on tightening.
You tightened those pretty well! LOL!