Sunday, March 29, 2009

Weekend Whine

Today has nothing to do with writing, so feel free to move on if you want. :-)

This post has to do with the babies. Or the lack thereof.

Yes. I am going through withdrawals and am crazy enough to kinda, kinda, kinda want another. Luckily, my hubby is sane and has drawn a firm NO in shifting sand of my desires.


This is my baby.
Only, he's not a baby anymore.

The truth walloped me upside the head a few days ago. I had to sort through my baby clothes to send some to my new nephew. Sentimentality isn't my strong suit, but when I saw all those old clothes I felt like crying. Just the image of them filled me with memories.

Sigh. So that's my whine. My littlest guy is almost two.


Wah!

If I'm having this much trouble now, I can't imagine how I'll feel when they're in school. Or worse, graduating.

Advice? Anyone? (sniff, sniff)

43 comments:

sherrinda said...

I can remember wanting babies...oh to long ago! I have 4, but they are so spread out that by the time the youngest was not a baby anymore, I was over the desire for more.

I was not really one to cry when they went to school, but I must say I cried like a baby when I dropped my oldest off at college in OK a few years ago.

I think God bings you to a place of acceptance. Of course it is in His timing, but there does come a time when you are okay with it all. It's a part of life's journey...expected and necessary.

AANNNDDDD...there does come a time when your oldest gets married (like mine did in Dec) and you see the near future being filled with more babies!!!!)

Jessica said...

Awww, thanks! I know the urge will probably pass, but it's so surprising when it jumps up and grabs me by the throat.
Ooh, grandbabies! All the fun and none of the work. Hehee.

Janna Qualman said...

I still feel a baby urge once in awhile, but fortunately our family is busy having little ones. So we hold and love on them, and refresh ourselves how happy we are with our two!

All the milestones are incredibly difficult. My baby will start preschool in the fall, and I'll be a blubbering idiot.

Janna Qualman said...

I forgot to say, he's adorable! And I love his little manly sweater. :)

Jody Hedlund said...

I think the desire to have another baby is natural and God given. As woman that's the way he designed us. Too often the culture around us urges us to stiffle that desire by telling us kids are an inconvenience, that they'll interfere with our plans and our enjoyment of life.

But the truth is, God designed our children to help us grow in character. With each child God has brought into our family, I've grown SO much (in patience, in perseverance, in diligence, etc.).

Pray about this desire for another baby and see what God would want you to do. We pray about other desires we have and seek his guidance. I think he wants to have input on child-bearing part of our lives too.

All that to say, I totally understand your desire. I've been there many times (which is why I have five!).

Sorry, this is so long! If you ever want to talk more about it, just email me! I'd love to chat more.

Angela said...

I can remember that grade one was tough for me. Kindergarten, they were just gone half a day, but when they started having school for a full day...ugh. It was tough. However, that's when I started really pushing into writing, so that helped me get past it. Now my boys are 11 & 13. I get through it by reminding myself to enjoy them as much as I can now, so I have no regrets when they're all growed up. Hugs!

anita said...

He's such a beautiful little guy! :-)

My advice? Just love them every day, and you will come to a place where you can appreciate the finer points of their growth. For example, their independance will give you new independance.

And someone above mentioned fussing over any of the new babies being born into your family. That's always a good way to get your snuggling fix. ;-P

Bless your mommy-heart. My prayer for you is peace--that you will find your fulfillment and joy in their everyday accomplishments. You'll be seeing lots of those in the years to come!

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

My baby is 40 years old today, recently got engaged and planning his first marriage and desires for children! Yikes! My baby can't be that old!!!! Let me do the math...Yup. I had him when I was 10! LOL!!!!

Even though my two sons are in their 40's now and 6' 5" tall, they still are my kids. The mothering part never stops, just changes and increases the love.

And when they give you grandkids, like my oldest has, you'll find a new kind of love that is indescribable!

Love them where they're at and the love will grow as they grow.

Kathryn Magendie said...

This is so normal -- and you'll have it happen again. I had it happen in my 30's and then I had it happen when I was hitting menopause - it was like "OH NO! I'll never be able to have another baby!" even though I didn't want to ... it was the "idea" of it - and I only had one child, a son.

But in my 30's I thought ... only one? that's all I'm having? Should I have another one?

Well, I still had just one son, never did have a second child. Do I regret it? I don't know - it is what it is and I can't imagine having more than one. So no, no regrets there other than every now and then I wonder what another child would have been: a girl? another boy? what would they be doing? But perhaps no matter how many you have (unless you have a whole passle of kids) you think that?

Someone told me when i was feeling that way, to go babysit someone's infant and I'd get over it real quick *laughing*

Jessica said...

Janna, that's so funny about blubbering! I felt a twinge when my oldest went to pre-k, but the baby? I might just be like you. LOL
Thanks for saying he's cute. After I posted the pic, I thought, he looks kinda funny, funky hair, etc. :-) But yes, I love that sweater too.

Jessica said...

Jody, thank you! I think you're right, esp. about society.
If I have another one though, I'd want my husband to be at peace about it. LOL Not sure that's going to happen and I want to be done popping out kids by the time I'm 30. :-) I know, you FIVE! That is amazing to me. And yet, people did it all the time. I personally do not see the difference between three to four, time-wise, but I do know that another baby would be challenging. The older my kids get, the more freedom I get! LOL They're such blessings though that I want more.
You're right about them helping us grow too! Boy, my patience gets a good work out.

Jessica said...

Hi Angela,
Thanks for the hugs! :-) Such a great point, to enjoy them while I can. That's something I try to remember, that they're only this little for a bit of time, then it's over. The writing is definitely something I look forward too!

Jessica said...

Awww, thank you Anita! Peace is what I need, because I just feel kind of sorrowful that their baby years are leaving. I know that there are lots of cool things ahead. Example: Sean is learning to say words, Nate is learning to count and Matthew is learning to read.
So you think Sean looks beautiful even with that crazy haircut? LOL

Jessica said...

Donna,
Beautiful advice! You guys are all such founts of wisdom, I'm just going to lap you up! LOL
Grandkids.... groan! I can't even imagine that yet. But I see how much you love yours and what blessings they are. My kids are completely loved on and spoiled by their grandparents too.
:-)
I guess I'm having love pains, you know, 'cause I'm stretching and growing.
You had a baby at ten? Wow... (just kidding)

Jessica said...

LOL Kathryn,
You're right! Babysitting would be a quick fix. *snickering*
I think I would always wonder a bit, no matter how many I have. Who will he/she look like? What would they have grown up to be. So I think you've hit the nail on the head with that observation.
I'm groaning though, at the thought that I'll have to go through this again! It's unpleasant, to say the least.
And to be honest, I do NOT want to be pregnant. Hate it.
Sigh.
Like everyone said, I need to just focus on the precious present. ;-)

Nancy J. Parra said...

Thanks for sharing a picture of your beautiful little man-he does look like such a man... *smile*

My son turns 21 this April...sigh. Part of motherhood is crying-with joy and with sadness every step of the way.

Jessica said...

Oh Nancy,
LOL Don't tell me that!!!!
I'm just kidding. Motherhood is wonderful and such a mix of emotions. Congrats on your little guy growing up into a big guy! :-)

T. Anne said...

What a sweet face! I don't blame you for wanting more of that!

I saved a couple of tubs of baby clothes because I thought they did hold memories. *sigh* I'm a sucker.

Carol said...

Your son is adorable, Jessica. Treasure every stage of their lives; they grow up quickly.

My youngest is going to be 19 next month, and thinks she is grown up--but she'll always be my baby. :)

Jessica said...

T. Anne,
That sweet face can turn ugly real quick! LOL You should hear his scream. Awww, you kept baby clothes? That's so sweet. :-)

Jessica said...

Thank you Carol! I'm trying to treasure it. :-) I have two older ones so this household is fun! :-) And full of noise. LOL
Nineteen? I remember knowing everything then. Hey, I still think I know everything. LOL
That's cute about your daughter.
:-)

Jen and Kev said...

Jess:
He is a doll! No wonder you want another! And it is a natural, God-given instinct. But...
go hold some babies at church or family gatherings, volunteer to babysit for a friend with an infant, write a story with babies in it, etc. That will help.
It's okay to cry and remember. But, I think your hus. is wise, and a good balance for you.
Just take each day at a time, and God will give you grace to go through the changes as they come. You are HIS baby, and He loves you dearly!
Jen

Jen and Kev said...

Jess:
He is a doll! No wonder you want another! And it is a natural, God-given instinct. But...
go hold some babies at church or family gatherings, volunteer to babysit for a friend with an infant, write a story with babies in it, etc. That will help.
It's okay to cry and remember. But, I think your hus. is wise, and a good balance for you.
Just take each day at a time, and God will give you grace to go through the changes as they come. You are HIS baby, and He loves you dearly!
Jen

Kristen Painter said...

Get a kitten. That's always been my answer. lol

Lady Glamis said...

Oh, heavens. I just went through this! My little one is 2 1/2 and my oh my what a wake-up call to look at her one day and see that all the "baby" in her face was .... vanished. This is such a sweet post.

You know what? Embrace what you have. Savor every moment. And treasure the past.

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Jessica, if you're like me you'll be questioning why you didn't have more even when your youngest is eleven. That's where I'm at. I fully expect when my youngest is thirty I'll still be questioning myself. But...

Just keep loving and adoring them, Jessica. Each stage of their growth, maturation (at least from what I've seen already, my eldest is 15) is amazing and such a glorious blessing.

If I'd kept on having babies, though, would I be as observant and involved with each of my three now? I doubt I would have the time to, to be honest, so I thank God for my precious three and all that they bring to my life, and for the time right now to recognize their changing, maturing personalities.

Jessica said...

Thank you Jen! I need that grace. I'm completely in love with who they are now, but I still miss the past. Not the sleepless nights though. LOL
I need to find someone to hold, and quick!

Jessica said...

Oh my gosh, Kristen! I ADORE kittens. I'd get one right now if I could. Sadly though, I promised my hubby we'd never have more than two cats at a time. LOL

Jessica said...

Michelle, isn't it crazy? My four year old looks so grown up, skinny little muscular legs...wah!!
I treasure the past very much! Trying to embrace my future...wah again!

:-)

Jessica said...

Probably Eileen! LOL I'd keep wondering if I'd ever get a girl.
Seriously though, you're right. I love being able to focus on each child. I've heard many stories about kids in large families feeling invisible and I think it's the saddest thing. On the other hand, seems like solo kids get a bit spoiled. LOL We've got it good at three! :-)

Terri Tiffany said...

He's adorable and you have the wonderful toddler years to love! Lots more before you so pack the clothes away and love the fun now!!:))

jessie said...

What a sweet face to wake up to and kiss every morning. I know all about missing the baby in your child, though. Sometimes I pick my son up and try to cradle him, but then he kicks me. *sigh* However, in the end he will always be your baby. Even when he is rotten, you will always only see a perfect baby who needs you and only you. Which is why rottenness isn't so rotten.

Morgan Mandel said...

I don't have any children, but I get sentimental when I look at Rascal's puppy pictures. Unfortuantely, she still acts like one most of the time. That's the downside of it.

Morgan Mandel
http://morganmandel.blogspot.com

Windsong said...

He's a cute little guy. It's amazing how fast they grow! Our youngest is now mobile and rolling around to get places, and we wonder where our baby went--the one that stayed in place.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Aww! As a mom of one recent graduate, a senior and a junior...take it from me, by this time, you'll be GLAD to see them sprout sturdy wings. :)

Jessica said...

Thanks Terri! They are little cuties. :-)

LOL Jessie, my MIL always refers to my hubby as a rotten child. Very cute and you're right, the rottenness is not really rottenness.

Hi Morgan, dogs are so cute! It does take awhile for them to calm. We had a lab growing up and he was SO wild until he hit seven. Then he just calmed right down. He was so lovable too. :-)

Windsong, that only lasts a few months. LOL Watch out! As you know, that baby is about to learn how to get into mischief!

Hi Angie,
LOL I'm sure I will enjoy it. I have all boys and have a feeling they're going to be with their daddy all the time. Guess I'll have to fill my days with blogging and conferences. Tough, right? (not)

Jaime said...

Not to sound like a killjoy, but hold that precious little guy and try not to focus on the past. I've had 3 miscarriages in the last 12 months and no children period ... so even a 2 year old sounds like a great thing right about now!
I'm not trying to sound "sassy", just wanting to encourage you to enjoy the blessings you have and relish the memories along with them. :)

Jessica said...

You don't sound sassy at all, Jaime! I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. That's very tough.
Yeah, this pic is of my youngest and thank goodness he's a snuggler. I have to be careful not to baby him too much though, even though in my heart, he still feels like a baby, not an almost two year old.
Thank you for the encouragement!
:-)

Irritable Mother said...

My advice? Enjoy them now, and tomorrow, and the next day. And just keep going, enjoying your children right where they are.

And in a few years, when you've been out of the baby/toddler stage for a while, babysit your friend's toddlers and baby. And you'll wonder how you ever managed to be a mother of preschoolers and keep any shred of your sanity.
Trust me. I did this a couple weeks ago!

Jessica said...

Haha! I do trust you and I'm definitely clinging to every moment I have with them. Their youth is so precious and will be so quickly gone...Sigh. Now I'm getting maudlin again. LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi honey, I agree with your friend Jody says to pray about having another. God will lay it on your hearts. I still get the baby urge. Oh how I would love another baby, but I will be content with my beautiful grandbabies. Thankyou to all my girls for those children. Love Mom

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

Oh, I had that same feeling of putting the clothes away, when I first had to put away my son's little newborn clothes - all those teeny-tiny little onsies. They just grow so quickly!

Now that he's almost two though, I, like you, am thinking it might be time to start getting those tiny onsies out again for another baby.

Jessica said...

They grow so quickly! so, you're planning another? How fun!